When you think of depression, what comes to mind? For many, it’s feeling sad or “down.” But for men, depression doesn’t always look like what we expect. Men often do not express depression in the usual ways, like feeling sad or blue. This is according to Dr. Jesus Lizarzaburu, a family doctor who focuses on health advocacy. “It may instead show up as irritability, a short fuse, and a loss of enjoyment in things they once loved.” Knowing the symptoms of depression and how men show them can make a huge difference for you or someone you care about.
Dr. Mike Sevilla is a family doctor who focuses on mental health and substance use disorders. He says that noticing small signs, like avoiding friends or slight changes in behavior, can help prevent serious issues. These issues include isolation and substance abuse.
If you are worried about your lack of motivation or anger issues, it might be serious. You should think about talking to a professional. Dr. Jeff Temple is a licensed psychologist. He is the director of UTMB’s Center for Violence Prevention. He says, “The earlier you act, the better.”
It’s no secret that men are often hesitant to talk about mental health. But left unchecked, depression can take a toll on your quality of life and relationships. “I wish more men understood that it’s OK to not be OK,” says Temple. “Being depressed doesn’t mean you failed as a man, husband, or father. It just means you’re human and might need some extra support.”
Here are some surprising symptoms of depression that all men should know. We will also share steps to take if you notice them in yourself or someone else.
Table of Contents
Unexpected Signs of Depression in Men
1. Changes in Personality
Dr. Sevilla has noticed a rise in mental health issues, including depression, since the pandemic began. For men, depression often appears as small changes in behavior. This can include avoiding social interactions, getting angry quickly, or showing frustration. “Unexpected signs of depression can include personality changes—sometimes they’re subtle, other times more obvious,” Sevilla explains.
Think about this. If you are usually relaxed but suddenly start getting angry at others for little things, you need to take notice. If you find yourself pulling away from people you used to enjoy being with, take note. These shifts could be depression making itself known in ways that feel outside of the “sadness” stereotype.
2. Changes in Substance Use
Another way depression can sneak up on men is through changes in their use of alcohol or drugs. If you usually drink moderately but are reaching for another drink more often, it might signal a deeper problem. “Most people see substance use as a sign of depression. However, an unexpected sign could be using more substances than usual or mixing them in new ways,” says Sevilla.
I know some guys who would have a drink now and then. But when they faced tough times, they began drinking more often. It didn’t look like depression right away, until you step back and realize that their substance use had become a way to cope.
3. Losing Interest in Things That Used to Bring You Joy
One of the biggest red flags for depression is anhedonia, which means losing interest in things that used to make you happy. “The most consistent sign of depression I see in men is anhedonia,” says Dr. Lizarzaburu. “If you used to love fishing with your friends but no longer feel motivated to go, it might be a sign of depression.”
For me, this one hits close to home. I used to love working out, but when I went through a rough patch, I just couldn’t bring myself to hit the gym. It was like everything I used to enjoy had lost its spark.
4. Sleep Disruptions and Changes
Dr. Lizarzaburu also notes that changes in sleep patterns can be tied to depression. Maybe you used to sleep like a rock, but now you’re struggling with insomnia or waking up multiple times a night. Or maybe the opposite happens, and you find yourself sleeping way more than usual, even though you’re still tired. Sleep disturbances are often overlooked as signs of depression but can be major indicators that something is off.
What to Do If You Notice These Signs in Yourself or Others
If any of this sounds familiar, you might be wondering what to do next. Dr. Temple gives helpful advice. If you have experienced depression before, it is a good idea to seek help. You should consider getting medication and talk therapy as soon as possible. If this is a new feeling, start by jumpstarting yourself, do things you enjoy, even if it’s a struggle. Get together with friends, work out, or just get out of the house.”
In other words, try to keep yourself active, even if you have to push through a bit. If these methods don’t work after a few weeks, you should consider seeking help. If your symptoms are impacting your work or relationships, it’s important to talk to a healthcare professional. They may suggest cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This therapy helps you challenge negative thoughts and build healthy habits. Medication could also be an option, depending on your situation.
If you see signs of depression in someone else, don’t hesitate to check in on them. It might feel uncomfortable, but reaching out could make a huge difference. Dr. Sevilla says that even a simple conversation can set someone on the path to recovery.
Dr. Lizarzaburu tells a story that makes this point clear. He had a patient who didn’t think he needed help. His coworkers urged him to make an appointment. He didn’t feel depressed, but his PHQ-9 questionnaire, a tool used to assess depression, showed he was. We started him on treatment, and a few weeks later, his coworkers told him, ‘Whatever you’re taking, keep taking it.’ Apparently, he had become so irritable that no one could work with him.”
This story shows how depression can affect your daily life, sometimes in ways you don’t even realize until someone else points it out. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to yourself and those around you. This is especially true if you see any of these unexpected symptoms.
Taking the Next Steps
If you are dealing with depression, remember that you are not alone. You don’t have to face it by yourself. Reaching out to a mental health professional, a friend, or even a family member can make a huge difference. It can be hard to admit you need help. However, Dr. Temple says there is no shame in it. He wishes more men understood that needing help does not make you less capable. It just means you’re human.”
If you’ve noticed signs in someone else, sometimes a simple “How are you really doing?” can open the door to an important conversation. It might be uncomfortable, but that little nudge could make a big difference in someone’s life. Depression is not something we have to face alone. Recognizing these unexpected symptoms can help us find support and healing.
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