Falling in love? That part was easy. From the first time you locked eyes with your partner, you probably felt like it was meant to be. Even if your story has had a few ups and downs along the way, imagining your life without them now? Not a chance. How do you handle a long-term relationship though?
You might not question the love you share, your ability to communicate, or the connection between you two. But here’s the reality about long-term relationships: you have to be willing to put in the work to keep it strong. It’s easy to fall into a routine. However, true commitment means working hard and giving your relationship the care it needs.
To make it last, you can’t just “set it and forget it.” Here’s some advice from relationship experts on keeping your love strong. I’ll also share some insights I’ve learned.
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The Benefits of a Long-Term Relationship
If you were single for most of your 20s, you know how special it is to find someone. That one person can make you want to think about a future together. I’ll admit, it’s a game-changer. Spending time with them becomes more fulfilling than any fling or casual date.
Dr. Sarah Schewitz, a couples therapist, explains that research shows men benefit more from long-term relationships. When things end—whether through divorce or a breakup—men typically get more depressed than women and often remarry sooner. Men in long-term relationships are healthier. They are also happier and receive more emotional support. Additionally, they experience greater sexual satisfaction compared to single men. This is according to Schewitz.
And from my experience, being in a stable relationship inspires you to take bigger leaps outside of romance. It gives you a boost of confidence and encourages you to be more selfless. Psychologist Dr. Yvonne Thomas, who works in L.A., says long-term relationships have many benefits. They bring more happiness, a sense of stability, and the feeling of being truly known and understood by someone.
To top it off, you’ll likely live longer if you’re in a healthy relationship. Science aside, there’s just something rewarding about knowing you have a partner who has your back no matter what.
Why Long-Term Relationships Need Maintenance
Think about your best friend. This is the person you can call at any time. You can call them when you need a laugh or when you need help with a tough decision. Even with all the good times you’ve shared, they’re also the person who can annoy you in record time. But because you know each other so well, you’re quick to forgive and move on.
In a relationship, it’s not always so simple. Dr. Schewitz says it’s a common myth that a good relationship “shouldn’t require work.” Truth is, if you’re not actively nurturing your connection, you risk losing it. “Relationships go through many stages. The longer you are together, the more changes you will face,” Schewitz adds.
Dr. Thomas points out that when one or both partners stop putting in the effort, things can get stale. Relationships are like living things—they need care and attention to not just survive but thrive. Otherwise, it’s easy to take each other for granted. You might stop communicating or let physical intimacy become routine.
When issues go unresolved, it can lead to emotional walls, grudges, and resentment. And those are tough hurdles to overcome.
How to Invest in Your Relationship
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re wondering if you’re putting in enough effort to keep things on track. Good news: there are ways to strengthen your relationship, and they don’t have to be complicated. Here’s some expert-backed advice to keep the love alive:
Never Stop Pursuing Each Other
Whether you’ve been together a year, five, or ten, it’s important to keep making an effort to woo your partner. Dr. Schewitz says people often link those “butterflies” to their happiness. So, it’s important to keep the romance alive.
When I started sending my partner spontaneous “thinking of you” texts, it really made a difference. I’m talking about the little things. A “Good morning” message can brighten their day. You could grab their favorite coffee on your way home. Or surprise them with tickets to a concert they would enjoy. A little thoughtfulness goes a long way.
Put Their Needs First
If you are in a relationship with a woman, she likely takes care of many small but important details. She may remind you about family birthdays or keep the house stocked with essentials. Over time, it’s easy to start taking this for granted. But one way to show you care is by putting her needs at the top of your list.
Schewitz says, “If both partners put each other’s needs and happiness first, you’ll both feel like a priority.” In my experience, when I help my partner by doing chores or planning a surprise date, it really helps us feel closer.
Listen Before Responding
In any relationship, communication is key. But one of the biggest challenges couples face over time is really listening to each other. How often do we tune out our partner, waiting for our turn to speak? Schewitz suggests trying to put yourself in your partner’s shoes before responding.
Start by asking questions like, “How does that make you feel?” or “What led you to think that way?” When you take time to understand their perspective, it builds empathy and keeps things from spiraling into unnecessary arguments. I’ve found that when I really listen first, our disagreements get resolved faster and with less tension.
Make Time Together a Priority
With busy schedules, it’s easy to let quality time slip away. But setting aside time together is essential for keeping a relationship strong. Schewitz recommends a dedicated date night at least every two weeks, if not weekly.
This doesn’t have to mean fancy dinners or big outings. Some of my favorite moments are just sitting on the patio with a drink, talking and laughing. Or you can try something new together—take a class, go for a hike, or steal away for a night at a nearby hotel. The key is making it uninterrupted, focused time together.
Talk for at Least 30 Minutes Every Day
Dr. Thomas suggests 30 minutes of one-on-one conversation daily—face-to-face if possible. If not, a phone call works too. The goal is to connect more than just through texts or social media. We want to really understand each other’s day and feelings.
Make this a time for real talk, not just logistics or to-dos. You’d be surprised how much this simple practice can deepen your connection. I try to make this a routine, even if it’s while we’re cooking dinner or on a quick evening walk.
Dr. Thomas advises, “Avoid distractions like your phone or TV. Instead, focus on them, ask questions, and share your thoughts. This kind of undivided attention shows your partner they’re a priority.” It’s one of the simplest, yet most powerful, ways to build a healthy relationship.
To have a long and happy relationship, follow these simple practices. Keep the romance alive. Listen closely to each other. Make time for one another. These steps can help strengthen your bond. And when you make that effort, you’ll find that the work isn’t a chore; it’s an investment in a future you’ll both be glad to share.
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