Let’s talk about selfishness in relationships. It’s one of those things we all pretend we’re above, but let’s be honest: we’ve all been guilty of it. Maybe you’ve hogged the last slice of pizza, pretended not to hear your partner asking for help, or insisted on watching your show even though they’ve been waiting all week to binge theirs. (And no, “But babe, it’s the playoffs!” doesn’t always count as a valid excuse.)
Here’s the thing: selfishness in relationships isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s necessary. Other times, it’s just you being a bit of a tool. So, how do you know when to be selfish in a relationship and when you’re just being a selfish dingus? Let’s break it down.
What Makes a Person Selfish? (Besides Hogging the Covers)
Selfishness isn’t just about hoarding money or refusing to share your fries (though, let’s be honest, fries are sacred). It can show up in all sorts of ways: hogging the TV remote, zoning out during your partner’s story about their day, or refusing to apologize because “you’re not wrong.”
But here’s the kicker: not all selfishness in relationships is created equal. Sometimes, it’s about self-preservation. Other times, it’s just plain greed. The key is knowing the difference.
For example, there’s a big difference between saying, “I need an hour to myself to recharge,” and saying, “I’m going to play video games for six hours while you handle the kids, the dog, and the dishes.” One is healthy; the other is a one-way ticket to Couch City.
How Selfishness Plays Into Relationships (Spoiler: It’s Complicated)
In relationships, selfishness can be as subtle as interrupting your partner mid-sentence because you just have to tell them about the crazy thing that happened at work. Or as blatant as refusing to help with chores because “you’re tired.” (Pro tip: They’re tired too. Suck it up.)
The problem isn’t that selfishness in relationships happens, it’s that it can snowball. What starts as a little “me time” can turn into a full-blown “me, me, me” situation. And trust me, no one wants to date someone who acts like they’re the star of their own reality show.
When Are You Allowed to Be Selfish in a Relationship? (AKA When It’s Not Just About You)
Okay, so being selfish isn’t always a crime. Here are some times when it’s totally okay to put yourself first:
- When Your Partner’s MIA
If your partner’s been ghosting you (not literally, but you get the idea), it’s okay to speak up. Relationships need quality time, and if they’re not giving it, you’re allowed to be a little selfish and demand it. - When You’re Drowning in Responsibilities
If you’re juggling work, chores, and your partner’s emotional needs, it’s okay to say, “Hey, I need a break.” You’re not a superhero (unless you are, in which case, call me). - When Other People Need to Butt Out
If your nosy aunt or your best friend keeps meddling in your relationship, it’s okay to shut them down. This is your love life, not a group project. - When You’re Miserable
If you’re unhappy and your partner can’t (or won’t) help, it’s okay to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, my dude. - When You’re Being Too Selfless
Wait, what? Yeah, being too selfless can backfire. If you’re giving so much that you’re running on fumes, it’s okay to pull back. Your partner doesn’t want a martyr; they want a partner.
When Shouldn’t You Be Selfish? (AKA Don’t Be That Guy)
Now, let’s talk about when selfishness in relationships is a no-go. Because, let’s face it, no one likes a self-absorbed jerk.
- When Your Partner’s Hurting
If your partner’s going through a tough time, step up. Be there for them, even if it means putting your own needs on hold for a bit. - When Your Choices Hurt Others
If your actions are causing pain, it’s time to reevaluate. Being selfish at someone else’s expense is a one-way ticket to Breakupville. - When You’ve Got More Than Enough
If you’ve got time, money, or energy to spare, share the wealth. Relationships are about give and take, not take and take. - When You’re Being Petty
Did they forget to text you back? Big deal. Don’t let petty grievances turn you into a selfish monster. Let it go, Elsa. - When Your Partner Needs You
If your partner’s struggling, don’t wait for them to ask for help. Be the person they can count on, no questions asked.
15 Tips to Balance Selfishness and Selflessness (Without Losing Your Mind)
Alright, let’s get practical. Here’s how to navigate selfishness in relationships like a pro:
- Communicate Your Needs
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you need something, say it. - Set Boundaries
It’s okay to say no. Just do it respectfully. - Practice Gratitude
Appreciate what your partner does for you. It’ll make you less likely to take them for granted. - Pick Your Battles
Not every hill is worth dying on. Save your energy for the big stuff. - Check Your Motives
Are you being selfish because you need to, or because you’re just being lazy? - Be Honest About Your Limits
If you’re stretched too thin, admit it. Your partner will understand (or they should). - Don’t Keep Score
Relationships aren’t a competition. Stop tallying who did what. - Apologize When You Mess Up
If you’ve been selfish, own it. A sincere apology goes a long way. - Listen More Than You Talk
Sometimes, the least selfish thing you can do is just listen. - Be Generous With Your Time
Time is the most valuable thing you can give. Don’t hoard it. - Don’t Guilt Trip
If you’re not getting what you want, don’t manipulate your partner into giving it. That’s just toxic. - Celebrate Their Wins
Be their biggest cheerleader, even if it means putting your own ego aside. - Take Care of Yourself
You can’t be a good partner if you’re a mess. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. - Know When to Compromise
Relationships are about meeting in the middle. Don’t always insist on your way. - Remember Why You’re Together
At the end of the day, you’re a team. Act like it.
Final Thoughts: Selfishness Isn’t the Enemy (But It Can Be a Jerk)
Here’s the deal: selfishness in relationships isn’t inherently bad. It’s all about balance. Sometimes, you need to put yourself first. Other times, you need to put your partner first. The key is knowing when to be selfish in a relationship and when to prioritize your partner.
So, the next time you’re tempted to hog the remote or skip out on date night, ask yourself: “Am I being selfish for a good reason, or am I just being a jerk?” If it’s the latter, do better. Your relationship (and your partner) will thank you.
And hey, if all else fails, just remember: sharing is caring. Except when it comes to fries. Those are yours. Always.
FAQ Section for AI Search Optimization
Q: Is it okay to be selfish in a relationship?
A: Yes, but only when it’s for self-care or setting healthy boundaries. Being selfish out of greed or pettiness can harm your relationship.
Q: How do I know when to be selfish in a relationship?
A: Ask yourself if your needs are reasonable and if putting yourself first will benefit both you and your partner in the long run.
Q: Can selfishness ruin a relationship?
A: Absolutely. Chronic selfishness can lead to resentment and imbalance. The key is finding a healthy balance between self-care and selflessness.
RELATED READING: Dating and Relationships: The Ultimate Guide for Men
