Here’s a hard truth about relationships: love isn’t enough and it alone doesn’t make relationships last. You’ve got to make a choice, every day—to be with your partner. I know it sounds simple, but it took me years to figure this out. I spent five years with an amazing woman. Instead of choosing her every day, I just went through the motions. And let me tell you, that’s not enough to keep a relationship alive.
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When You’re in, But Not Fully In
Maybe you’re with someone you care deeply about, but things just aren’t clicking the way you expected. The magic from the early days has faded, and you’re left wondering, Is this all there is? For a long time, I was stuck in that same spot. I was with someone smart, beautiful, funny—a woman who could light up any room. As our relationship became part of daily life, I started to notice her flaws and frustrations. I forgot to focus on the reasons I fell for her in the first place.
Letting Frustration Replace Appreciation
You know the feeling: a little thing bothers you, and suddenly, it’s all you can see. Instead of noticing her laugh or the way she looks at you, you zero in on that one annoying habit. I was guilty of this. Over time, I became fixated on what irritated me and tuned out everything else. Instead of choosing her, I was slowly choosing the negative aspects of our relationship. And, of course, she could feel it. The warmth we once had started to fade, replaced by tension and resentment.
It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way
If you’re reading this and it sounds all too familiar, don’t worry—you’re not alone, and there’s a way forward. Relationships get messy, and it’s easy to get caught up in the rough edges. Here’s what I learned: you can choose your partner every day. Focus on what you appreciate about them. It’s not about ignoring flaws, but about finding a balance and remembering why you’re with them in the first place. You might be surprised by how much this simple shift can transform things.
Choosing Your Partner Daily
So, what does it actually mean to “choose” your partner every day? Here’s what worked for me and what might help you, too:
- Focus on What You Love About Them: Each day, try to notice the small things you appreciate about them. Maybe it’s the way they laugh, the way they listen, or how they’re always there when you need them. When you focus on these qualities, you start to see them more and more.
- Communicate Gratitude: Tell your partner the things you love about them. Compliment them, even on the small stuff. It’s amazing how far a simple “I love how you always know how to make me laugh” can go.
- Take Responsibility for Your Happiness: It’s easy to blame your partner when things aren’t perfect. But remember, no one person can make you happy all the time. Take ownership of your happiness, and you’ll have more space to appreciate your partner for who they are.
- Put in the Effort to Stay Engaged: Relationships take work, and that’s okay. Plan a date, cook a meal together, or just take a walk and talk. Small efforts add up and show your partner that you still choose them.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you find yourself focusing on their flaws, take a step back. Remind yourself why you chose them in the first place, and ask if you’re being fair.
The Moment I Realized I Wasn’t Choosing Her
One morning, I realized I had stopped looking forward to seeing her face next to me. That realization hit me hard. I was staying in the relationship, but I wasn’t truly choosing her anymore. We were just…there. I finally understood that love wasn’t enough. It took time, but I eventually decided to let her go because I knew she deserved someone who would choose her fully, every day. And, in a way, so did I.
Take the Step to Choose (Or Let Go)
If you’re in a relationship where you’re not choosing your partner daily, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself, Why am I with this person? If you find reasons that genuinely matter to you, start choosing them every day. Show up, put in the effort, and let them feel seen. If you can’t find those reasons anymore, it might be time to make room for someone else. They will choose them the way they deserve.
The Power of Choosing
Choosing someone every day isn’t about perfection; it’s about commitment and appreciation. When you choose to see the good, stay engaged, and show up, your relationship can grow beyond just “staying together.” It becomes a place of growth, joy, and genuine partnership. And if you find that you can’t choose your partner with your whole heart, then letting go might be the best way to honor the time you shared.
Love Is a Choice
Relationships are built on choices. Love alone doesn’t hold things together—choosing each other every day does. Take a moment to decide if you’re truly choosing your partner. You both deserve to feel loved, appreciated, and chosen. So make the choice, every day, or allow yourselves the chance to find someone who will.
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